28 Lessons Learned in 28 Years

     I think this post (and blog in general) is mostly for me... it is pretty much the only journaling I've done in YEARS... plus, I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and this is the result. So without further ado, here are my 28 lessons I've learned in my 28 years thus far:

1) Every year I care less and less what people think of me. It's the best feeling ever, so bring on more birthdays please.

2) Laughter makes EVERYTHING better.

3) PEOPLE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. More important than things, or awards, or power, or money.

4) Support others, and build a support system of people around you, and you will always be okay.

5) INVEST IN YOURSELF; eat healthy foods, exercise, go to the dentist regularly (maybe even get an electric toothbrush), use a good face wash, and get a massage and/or take a bubble bath every once in a while.

6) INVEST IN OTHERS; write cards and letters, make cookies, take trips just to visit people, LISTEN, take an interest in people.

7) Hang out with people who are very different than you.

8) TRAVEL.

9) Eat ALL the foods. (Or at least TRY all of them.)

10) Speaking of trying; Go to a football game. Go to a musical. Go to a soccer match. Go to an art museum. Learn how to play lacrosse. Take a dance class. Give it all a try.

11) DON'T LABEL. No good ever comes from the label "pretty" or "handsome" or "ugly" or "smart" or "slow" or "dumb" or "fat" or "thin".

12) DO DIAGNOSE. Really good things come from pin pointing depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger's, autism, hormone disorders, food sensitivities, etc...

13) BE PROUD OF HOW YOU LOOK. I used to have an awful relationship with my reflection in the mirror. Like I would avoid mirrors at all costs. I've worked really hard to appreciate myself though, and it's such a relief to actually LIKE... me. #sometimesSELFIESaretherapeutic 

14) EMBRACE YOUR CRAZY.  Maybe sometime I'll invite yall over for one of my baptist-preacher-style sermons... aka rants... about dating/BYU culture/bad men's shoes...

 Or one of my Adele-sing-your-heart-out-sing-alongs...

15) ...also, sometimes it's okay to swear. it get's the point across very clearly, and releases a lot of emotional pressure...

16) ...also, all men should have beards at some point of their lives, because all girls should have the opportunity to kiss a bearded man at some point... but *ahem* enough about my crazy...

17) LOVE like CRAZY. Even if people don't love you the same way back, or even love you at all. It's ALWAYS worth it to love them.

18) LOVE what you do. 

      "Find something you're passionate about, and stay tremendously interested in it."

      --Julia Child

19) The greateset satisfaction/self esteem boost/motivation comes from working HARD. Like until you're so dead tired. Or your muscles can barely move. This doesn't (and shouldn't) happen ALL DAY, everyday, but it should happen regularly enough it makes you appreciate what you have so much more.

20) CHANGE IS POSSIBLE. Take it from this formerly painfully shy and indecisive girl who was recently described as a "sassy and determined", that we can become COMPLETELY DIFFERENT if we work hard enough and persevere long enough.

21) The Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ is REAL, and is the only way that deep, lasting change IS possible.

22) God exists. I know He does, because as I have turned to Him in prayer and applied that Atonement--which I have chosen to believe that He prepared for me and for everyone--my life has changed SIGNIFICANTLY for the better.

23) I WOULD NOT BE where I am today without my Heavenly Father. I'd be a total basket-case if left to my own devices.

24) God is PERFECT and ETERNAL, and we are His children, so WE are ETERNAL, and have the potential to become PERFECT through His plan for us. Woah.

25) Families are eternal. Thank goodness.

26) Life is hard, but that doesn't mean it's bad.

27) Good, light, and happiness are ALWAYS available if we choose to seek them out.

28) Lipstick fixes everything. Either that or chocolate-covered cinnamon bears.

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

--Mae West

Don't Give Up on Me

I may be an introvert, but I LOVE people. In fact, I have a tendency to love them so fiercely, it wears me out, and eventually I have to retreat to my introvert lair to regroup all by my lonesome... in a bubble bath and watch Netflix and eat chocolate covered cinnamon bears... Don't judge. Caring too much is a real issue sometimes.

Part of the reason it wipes me out so bad though, is because what is so great about people is that they are libel to change and evolution... and that ends up meaning they're not reliable. You can't ever ALWAYS count on someone, because people son't stay stagnant (we don't want them to), they GROW, and that induces change all around them. But, even good changes can be painful for the people who are in their immediate sphere of influence...aka, softies or tender hearts like me, because a lot of times that change means that people leave my little sphere. This can be happy (like if someone gets married, or leaves my ward for a new job or school, etc...), and it can be sad (like if a friendship drifts apart because of differing beliefs or priorities), and it can even be both happy and sad simultaneously.

Sometimes I feel like this has happened in my life waaaaaay more than it should... And in all honesty, I have been wondering lately if I will ever be able to rely on anyone.

Now don't get me wrong, I am so INCREDIBLY blessed to be surrounded by wonderful, uplifting, loving people, but the pace of life these days is very unsettled, and constantly moving, and I feel very often, that nothing lasts very long, And people always seem to leave.

I was thinking about this today and feeling ridiculously sorry for myself, when a friend's experienced popped into my mind. He'd been confused by someone's lack of sincerity and commitment to him, when there was a lesson in church about how we make promises to Heavenly Father to follow commandments, but then we "don't have time" to read our scriptures, say our prayers, etc... And suddenly I realized that while I was whining about people giving up on our relationship or friendship because they got too busy or distracted by other things I was doing that to my Father in Heaven.

Now I acknowlege that I'm endlessly flawed, and so I don't even, AT ALL, expect the people around me to be perfect--especially not perfect, RELIABLE friends, because goodness know I. Am. NOT!!! But, even when we're all hopelessly flawed, I can always, ALWAYS, rely, lean on, believe in, count on, depend on my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. Their love is endless and perfect. And they won't EVER give up on anyone.

"Cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for ALL THINGS MUST FAIL--but Charity is the pure love of Christ, and IT ENDURETH FOREVER; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

So if you feel alone or abandoned or deeply disappointed by someone you used to be able to depend on, just know that you're NOT alone; you're NEVER abandoned. And don't EVER stop loving the people around you for ANY reason. Because just like you need love, EVERYONE needs love love. EVERYONE. (I mean, come on, even the Super Bowl half time show told us to BELIEVE IN LOVE... and we should always listen to anything associated with Beyoncé...)

Wait For It...

In the interim between starting, and finishing, we generally experience a stage of waiting. One where we tarry through the muck of accomplish-ing on the way to full-blown accomplishment. In fact there is not much that starts, and then immediately, serendipitously, completes right after.

We hear a lot these days about the hardships of "trials" or "struggles" or "difficult times", but I have found that generally, the most arduous and challenging portion of these seasons for us all is the part where we have to wait for them to come to a conclusion. Essentially the point where we've done all we can, and there is literally nothing left for us to do, but wait and see if our efforts will be worthwhile in helping us ultimately reach our end result.

This applies to situations circumstantial, emotional, academic, physical, mental, and spiritual.

And lately I've realized I've lived at least long enough (let's not talk about how close to 30 someone is getting...but...) I've started to see that my choices to not give up on waiting, have brought at least a few good things to fruition in my life. And those things I have waited for, mean the most to me, and I treasure them.

I mean, when you wait 2 hours to go on a ride at Disney World, don't you love the ride itself SO MUCH more??! Especially when sometimes you're concerned the ride will close for repairs before you even get to it, or maybe you'll die of heat stroke, or you just might kill your siblings if you have to wait another 45 minutes in line with them?? But then you get to the ride and it's simply euphoric.

I tell my students all the time that if they'll keep working hard just a little longer, reading and learning WILL become more automatic, and less of an uphill battle on a daily basis. And EVERY TIME, the ones who stick it out, and really do work hard--succeed. Every. Time.

Not to mention, I do believe in God. And I do believe He waits for the Prodigal Son (or daughter, um, me... ALL the time) and my goal in life is to become like Him, so if He can wait for me--who messes up, and makes Him wait over and over and over--I can wait for Him. I can wait for Him to answer my prayers to help me understand, to help me prepare for work ahead of me, to help me wait.

Plus,

Remember:

Steven Spielberg waited through 3 film school rejections,

and a 7 day a week, unpaid internship,

before anyone gave him a chance to direct,

Babe Ruth waited through 1,330 strikes

to break the records he did,

JK Rowling waited through 7 years of writing,

12 publisher rejections, and poverty,

before Harry Potter was given a second glance,

Abraham Lincoln waited through bankruptcy,

MANY career failures,

and a Civil War during his presidency,

(which he didn't even get to witness the end of),

but he KINDA changed the course of history

So maybe you and I can keep holding on, 

and wait it out a little longer??

"It most often come in the form of a puzzle--one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us--not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed."

Thank Goodness

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we hear this phrase a lot;

               "Wait on the Lord's timetable, there is a plan for you."

Most of the time, I feel like this phrase follows experiences of rejection. I've actually heard this expression often... (one does not make it through the majority of their 20's without coming face to face specifically with rejection... over and over... I think this decade of most of our lives could easily be summed up with that one word...) And unfortunately I got to the point where, because of facing what I felt like was too much rejection, I didn't let that phrase sink in anymore.

I was at this place where I was asking things like, How many more guys will I have to date (or TRY real hard to date...) JUST for it not to work out? How much longer will I feel passionate about raising families, but not have the chance to do so with my own? How many more times will I search and study and pray and fast to make the best decision of how to move forward and accomplish my "purpose" in this life, just to discover that it was not quite the right purpose... yet AGAIN??

          I was ready to give up.

Not on one thing in particular, but more like giving up the general effort of trying to become, and instead just kind of exist... and just let myself be entertained along the way... not a great life plan, obviously, but I was past the point of exhaustion from all that trying, and all that being rejected.

So I prayed. I told Heavenly Father that I was exhausted, and then I kinda did give up.

Now, I could write a whole book about why/how not to do that, but the summary of it would be  this; DON'T do that. It sucks (sorry mom I know you hate that word), but seriously, it hurts you and ends up being a painful road to walk. Plus, here's the deal, Heavenly Father KNOWS you, LOVES you, and wants you to SUCCEED... and I guarantee He's been guiding you AWAY from what would hurt you and hinder your progression, and I KNOW He's been leading you TOWARDS your greatest potential.

So after I stopped whining long enough to get my butt up and be proactive about doing the things I knew would make me happy (reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, studying my patriarchal blessing, and specifically going to the temple), I started recognizing little (very little, because I'm a slow learner) by little that my Heavenly Father's hand has been in each "rejection" I've ever faced.

          For example:

     1) Had I gotten married in 2008/2009 when I "thought" I should, I would have regretted my wedding dress choice for the duration of eternity.  Pinterest was not something I had back then, nor was an actual style.

     2) If I had been married back then, I would never have had the chance to be roomies with my sister currently. And I can't even begin to imagine that. Seriously. It's making me cry.

     3) If I had gotten into Grad School when I wanted, I would never have moved to Utah (and never lived close to my siblings, or) started working where I work, and never would have discovered the "niche" of what I really really LOVE to do.

     4) I was diagnosed with a hormone disorder at the age I thought I would have started having kids.  It's a beast and has caused all sorts of issues, but usually it's not discovered until you're trying to have kids and can't and then it's an awfully long road to figure it out... SO, I may have been through 4 doctors, a gazillion diets, and different treatments over the past 6 years to deal with this thing, but hey, I'll be 6+ years smarter about the whole situation when I'm married and ready to start a family! And I'm a ridiculous OCD planner, so that's an unexpected tender mercy.

     5) Without feeling an emptiness for blessings that I have not yet experienced, I may not have needed so badly the Atonement of the Savor or the love from my Heavenly Father. And most of who I am today is a result of the truths I have discovered while prayerfully seeking after those things.

   
So here's my amendment to that phrase we seem to hear so often;
                             
        The Lord KNOWS you, 
     He knows what you're meant to BECOME,
     He has a CAUSE for you to fight.
     Keep moving forward, and TRUST HIM.

                     Oh yeah, and BE GRATEFUL!

Because when I think through all these "rejections" with a recognition that they were actually helpful nudges in the right direction, I definitely feel like "thank GOODNESS"!

Too Happy.

I've been working really hard recently
on finding JOY.
As in, pure, deep, true, lasting happiness.
That usually comes from things like
soul searching, service, and creating something.

Buuuut, there are a few things that make me happy....
...like real happy...

...that are trivial and not meaningful at all...
...but they bring light and color and beauty into my days...
and make me soooooo happy:

1. Painting my nails blue in the summertime,

and black in the winter.

Don't ask me why, I just always do.

2. Rumbi Grill salmon and veggie rice bowl.

And mostly because if I'm eating it,

that means I didn't have to cook.

1. When pumpkin flavored recipes,

and outfits with scarves 

start popping up on Pinterest...

...because that means FALL is coming.

4. Red,

Pink,

Rose,

Burgundy,

Orange,

Salmon,

Coral,

Peach,

Crimson,

Blush,

Ruby Lipstick.

5. Saltwater Sandals.
Because they're kids shoes.
That come in adult sizes.

6. Diet Lemonade
from Chick-fil-a.

7. Hot air balloons.
#magical

8. Star-shaped Watermelon
and blueberry salad.
It's just so darn patriotic.

9. Barbara Streisand movies.
(But we all knew that already)

10. Sparklers.

These things shouldn't make me so happy.
But I just can't help it.

A different kind of Hungry.

I recently blogged about

taking strides to make some physical changes.

And to reach some of those goals,

I've had to experience the feeling

of being hungry.

(Side Note:  I've also been learning a lot about

the sensation of being "Hangry"...

a hybrid of HUNGRY

and ANGRY

due to to being sooo hungry...

it's a real thing...

but that's another blog post for another day...)

Tonight though, I realized that lately

I have also been a whole different kind of hungry.

This week as I have made my way

through the ups and downs of my day to day life,

I have been "hungry" for something;

wanting and craving something;

something that I felt was missing.

But what that something was,

 I just couldn't put my finger on.

I was getting all the things done on my checklist,

but I still felt an emptiness that I couldn't fill.

And then tonight as I sat in the temple,

I realized I had really been in need

of the nourishment that is THERE so ABUNDANTLY.

There in the temple,

for the first time in a few weeks,

I experienced a spiritual "feast";

something my malnourished spirit 

was in great need of.

And so now I'll add to my 

fitness/healthy "To Do" list,

along with eating broccoli,

drinking lots of water,

exercising,

getting enough sleep,

and avoiding that terrible awful sugar stuff...

to make sure I feed my spirit.

And not ever go too long without

going to the place where that kind of hunger,

and that kind of need,

can be filled!

"I know your lives are busy.
I know that you have much to do.
But I make you a promise
that if you go to the house of the Lord,
you will be blessed;
life will be better for you."
--Gordon B. Hinckley

The most romantic scene in a chick flick.

As an aficionado of super sappy, stupid chick-flicks

(who recently, for the first time in weeks... 

actually had time to sit and watch one or two...)

I have discovered the MOST romantic scene.

Ready?

#HESDOINGTHEDISHES

#HEWENTGROCERYSHOPPING

#swoon

#soattractive

I'd cry tears of joy too, Jennifer Aniston.

#canipostthisonTinder ?