Who are you??

I learned a really important lesson this week.

Early in the week, a friend of mine told me that she has her kids say "statements of affirmation" about themselves every morning before school.  Things like "I am smart"  "I am beautiful" "I am a good friend" "I am a good swimmer"  "I am a good student".  Dang. So cool right??  I was sooo impressed.  What a great confidence booster to start off your day!  I mean seriously, before they face any of the challenging, discouraging, or frustrating situations with schoolwork or friends, they're equipped with the TRUTH about who they are and what they are capable of.

I couldn't stop thinking about how profound that whole concept is, and I was inspired a few days latter to suggest that someone else try it out.  They had really been struggling to reach one of their personal goals, and had been trying for months with little success.  As an observer in the situation, I could see that they were MORE than capable of reaching that goal, but because they had consistently failed at it previously, they had no hope that they could reach their goal.  That caused them to throw their hands up and quit each time they attempted their goal and wavered at all--before they'd even given themselves a chance to really TRY to improve!  They had all the right things in place to be successful, but refused to believe that they actually could be successful.  I thought about my friend and her kids' "statements of affirmation", and then asked this person, "Who are you?"  They blinked confusingly and answered with their name, but then I said "Did you know that you're good at this?  You are a good [fill in this blank with a hard goal to reach]-er."  They were totally taken aback by that suggestion.  So I took full advantage of the sheer confusion, and told them to say that with me, "Say 'I'm [their name], and I'm a good [their goal]-er.'"

They said it.  And then repeated it a few times.  It made them blush, and then smile.  It was incredible to watch what power they gained from saying outloud the TRUTH about who they were and what they were capable of.  It was almost like they couldn't deny it anymore, and any outside factors that made them think otherwise were simply not as powerful as that statement of truth that they were thinking, saying, and listening echo through the room.

And then, they started to reach their goal.  Literally like that.

So, I'm going to put that into practice myself.  I'm setting a goal to say "statements of affirmation" each morning to remind me who I really am and what I am capable of, starting with:

I am Amanda, and I am a daughter of God.

Empty Hearts

     I believe that God exists.  I believe that all human beings were created by God, and that we are all His sons and His daughters.  And I believe that God communicates with his children.

     One of the first things I felt that my Father in Heaven communicated to me, was that I had the potential to be like Him; and specifically, I felt very deep within my spirit, that I was created with the potential, like my Heavenly Father, to care for and raise sons and daughters.  And I felt strongly that there was no more important work I would do in my life than to be a mother to those children.

     My life today is the outcome of trying to follow those and many other whispers to my heart, and promptings to my mind, of what I feel like God would have me do.  Now admittedly, I'm far from making those decisions perfectly, but I have worked hard, and tried my best, to make choices in order to be obedient to those principles that I have felt in my heart are correct.  I can't deny that my life has been very blessed as I've tried to live that way.

     And yet, because I have always felt so strongly of the importance of having a family, there are times that despite the blessings that have been so abundantly poured into my life, I feel a deep and inconsolable emptiness because of those blessings yet to be experienced.  And as my life continues to progress through twists and turns of work and relationships and experiences, it almost seems as if that empty space grows bigger and the ache it causes becomes less bearable.

     But, the further I delve into that work and those relationships, and those experiences, I also realize more and more, that everyone harbors their own empty spaces within themselves.  That emptiness is not unique to me and my life's situation.  Everyone has something missing; something in the form of relationships, something physical, something temporal, something spiritual, something mental.  As I've watched the people I love struggle deeply to find solace in seemingly unending emptiness, and I've felt in myself longings for the answers to years and years of praying for my own emptiness to be filled, I've wondered why that is something a loving Father in Heaven would allow his children to experience.  Why withhold blessings that come from righteous desires, from His children that I know that He loves?

     I don't have all the answers, or even great philosophical insight into the answer of this question.  And I really think the answer goes much deeper, and has much more eternal consequences then I have the capacity to even begin to comprehend.  But I have come to know this; Heavenly Father wants more then anything to have us return to live with Him, and that requires that we go through the process of being perfected.  I don't think we would understand what great need we had for the redemptive power of our Heavenly Father's gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, if we didn't feel those holes (and honestly, sometimes deep chasms) of emptiness.  The power of the Atonement has the ability to reach so much farther then I understand, but I have felt it patch up pieces of myself that I have felt are missing, and even broken.  And I have chosen to have faith that it will continue to fill those empty parts of myself as I continue to choose to access it.

     I believe that God loves me.  He loves me enough that He doesn't just give me blessings in return for righteous choices, He gives me opportunities to learn and grow and become more like Him.  He doesn't bless me with "tit for tat"; instead He blesses me with what will help me stretch and grow most.  I have "great reason to rejoice" because I know that.  To quote the awesome Relief Society teacher on Sunday:

"We can rejoice NOW knowing that God WILL KEEP His promises."

"My dear brothers and sisters, aren't the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in His Church great reasons to rejoice?  Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life's situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness.  The Lord knows your circumstances and your challenges.  he said to paul and to all of us, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'  And like Paul we can answer: 'My strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me' (2 Corinthians 12:9)"

--President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Only One New Years Resolution...

Just one this year.  Because it's that important.

2015 Goal: No longer worry about 

proving myself to anyone else.

#MoreIssuesThanVogue

#ButThatsOk

#BecauseImWorkingOnIt

I've simply realized that if I were to channel the energy and time it takes to try and prove to people that I'm whatever... smart, pretty, cool, talented, accomplished, etc... to instead worrying about focusing only on improving the person that I currently am, that I could accomplish so much more.  So with my 27th Birthday imminent, instead of worrying that I have to prove that I'm a good person despite the fact I'm not married, or prove that I'm accomplished even if I have yet to do this or that as I officially enter the "dreaded" late-twenties, I'm just going to embrace life and be glad, because I try my hardest to fill it with good.  And it's pretty darn packed with it.

And bottom line, I believe in God, that He is my personal Heavenly Father, and He is omnipotent, SO, He is the only one I ever need to prove anything to.  And since that is what my daily goals and efforts are centered on, I can let all other opinions go.

Whew.

"May we all be faithful in doing the day-to-day, ordinary things that prove our worthiness, for they will lead us to qualify for great things." --James E. Faust

Latest Edition: Tender Mercies

(any and all Christmas-y goodness)

MoTab concerts

Lord of the Rings inspired gingerbread houses

visits with friends

delicious smelling/tasting gifts from my students

not dying on the exceptionally choppy airplane ride home

the "Polar Express"

brothers wearing sweaters

"It's a Wonderful Life"

Mariah Carey Christmas music

real Christmas trees

my mom's 40-some-odd nativities

the Christ-centered Christmas focus

Chuy's fajita chicken salad

Texas winter weather

(and missing the beginning of the Utah snow)

finding the perfect shirt for family pictures

Cousins, and cousin-in-laws, and cousin's babies

sweet grandparents;

and especially a kindred spirit in this grandma

the movie, Music of the Heart

seriously, wow! Juuust what I needed.

Also, Into the Woods;

and really,

pretty much any movie with Meryl Streep,

am I right??

And those people;

plus these besties;

A new apartment to come soon...

...and just a whole new year,

ready for all my New Years resolutions

#ilovethegym

#andveggies

#GradSchool ?

#scriptureseveryday

But most especially,

consistent realizations that life is good,

and I have been and always will be

helped in the direction that I need to go.

"We should certainly count our blessings,

but we should also make them count."

--Neal A. Maxwell

Because I've gotta keep track of them....

...lately tender mercies have come in the form of;

how much my parents really do love each other
#ThanksgivingAnniversary #29years

my sassy baby sister, Emma Grace

a coworker randomly stuffing two cough drops in her pocket

for no apparent reason one morning,
and she then just happened to have them available to give me

on the day I was the sickest this week

Nyquil

my dad making sure my car is in ship-shape

(this is literally one of my dad's love languages,

and it makes me feel so cared about)

words of gratitude

"temple trips" with my sister Sophie;
to temples a whoooole 25 minutes away!

Melty Way gluten free grilled cheese sandwiches

missionary stories

gospel doctrine lessons

Family

a new, closer teaching location

finding out that I'm known as the "tutor with

tiger glasses" by the kids at work

the mountains
(I know!!!!!
What's happening to me??)

Cousins

words of the Prophets and Apostles


"As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember, had allowed God to show me what He had done. More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers."
--Henry B Eyring

#ChristmasWish #TheTruth #DearSanta #CouldYouPlease #ThanksSoMuch

When the holiday season begins,

this is how I feel;

And then comes a little of this;

And eventually even this;

. . . . . . . . . .

But then I start thinking about 

having to find dates to take to all the inevitable parties,

and I'm like;

Sometimes I look forward to having a husband

just so I don't have to stress about if I'll have someone

to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve.

Frozen Eyelashes.

It doesn't snow in mid/south Texas.

We had a snow day only twice growing up;

one time it rained and then froze on the roads,

and the other time, it wasn't snow...

....it was sleet.

It melted before the end of the day,

but they closed school anyway.

Winter in Texas = 30 degree weather, and rain.

The first time I encountered snow

was during my first semester at BYU-Idaho.

And it was magical.

Like, really really magical;

please take note of my face.

It was like sparkly pixie dust falling from the sky.

And it stayed pretty magical for a while;

we'd even go build snow men in our pj's

late at night if it had just started snowing.

But then, 

after a few months,

instead of thawing quickly like it had initially,

the snow started to build on top of itself.

Layers and layers, and inches and inches of snow.

And it got colder and colder...

...and weird things started happening...

...like, my nose hairs would freeze....

...and people got frostbite if they wore earrings outside...

And then one day, I was late to my 7:45am class,

so I slapped on some mascara literally on my way out the door...

And this girl from Texas didn't factor all together

that because Rexburg is relentlessly windy,

gusts of wind would most certainly

be making my eyes water,

and I would be blinking instinctively...

and if one does such a thing with wet mascara

in -20 degree weather,

their eyelashes will freeze together.

After a thorough freak-out,

and rubbing my eyes to warm up the mascara,

so that I could open them again,

I arrived to class looking like a racoon,

and thought to myself,

"Why ON EARTH would anyone want to live here??"

"Why does anyone like the winter??!"

...

And that was roughly 8 years ago,

but it was pretty traumatic, so it stuck with me

and I've never reeeeally enjoyed winter since.

But a wise friend of mine told me recently

that although winter is not his favorite,

he's set a goal to enjoy each winter more than the last.

And I figure since I have been hating on winter for years,

it can only go up from here!

So here's to the best winter yet.

I do love scarves and jackets and boots,

so that's a start

PS-I recognize it's still technically fall,

but it's snowing outside, dangit.

It's winter.